• He handwrites letters to children telling them there is no Santa Claus.
• He shot J.R. Ewing.
• He greenlit Season 2 of The Masked Singer.
• He’s on a friends and family phone plan with O.J. Simpson and Matt Lauer.
• He replies-all in all of his email, just as a matter of course.
• He thinks Friends would have been a better show if Paula Deen had played the Rachel character.
• He dated Taylor Swift, but he was so boring, she never wrote a song about him.
• He used Lizzo’s tiny purse as a handkerchief.
• He invented Tik Tok, autoplay on Netflix, and those plastic anti-theft cases cassettes used to come in.
• At karaoke, he only sings the full version of Don McLean’s “American Pie.”
• He suggested Beyonce and Jay-Z name Blue Ivy “Mildred Ethelred.”
• He thinks Tom Hanks is “just not that nice.”
• He signs you up to receive robocalls, junk mail, chain letters, Candy Crush invitations, and evites to that co-worker’s fourth baby shower.
• He wants to recast all of Hallmark’s Christmas movies with the Kardashians.
• He’s always on a juice cleanse and wants to tell you all about it.
• He’s already seen the script for Season 4 of Stranger Things, and he tweeted that the lovable weird kid dies at the end and Barb is NEVER COMING BACK.
• He came to Thanksgiving and said the turkey was “quite moist.”
• He thinks puppies are overrated.
• When he comments on your blog, he uses all caps and hashtags his own comments. #LeoWasHere #Blessed
• He knew how to get everyone off of Gilligan’s Island, but he said nothing.
• He eats egg salad on your holiday flight.
• When asked who his favorite poet is, he said Justin Bieber.
• He has a selfie-stick. And he likes it.
• He messaged Kate Middleton and told her Meghan hates all of her hats.
• He uses that old dial-up modem sound for his ringtone.
• He picked you in Secret Santa, and he bought you a Peloton.
• He’s the reason TSA makes us take our shoes off at the airport. It’s a weird foot fetish thing.
• He ate all the Popeye’s chicken.
• He went to see himself in The Revenant, but he whisper-talked the whole time.
• He was steering the Titanic.
• He insists his essential oils MLM is not a pyramid scheme.

See? Don’t you feel better already? What do you want to blame on Leo? Go for it!