More Inappropriate Children’s Books

Not all of these books are children’s books, but I found them all in rare or out-of-print book collections that were marked as children’s or young adult. Enjoy!

circus                                    I feel like circuses are best left to the professionals.


bongAm I wrong that the “bottle” looks like a bong?


EnemiesNot bragging, but I don’t even need this book.


donkeyOne guy, one donkey. No cup.


Tom AssTom Ass


baby operaIt’s opera! But with babies!


teacherHold on. What’s she wearing on her face? I’m confused.




Totally Inappropriate Children’s Books

I love searching through out-of-print books and finding those that have aged particularly poorly. Here are my recent favorites. I found all of them on out-of-print booksellers’ sites.

Electricity experiments


The description of the book reassures readers that all experiments are perfectly “safe.” But really?





Adam and eve children


This is supposed to be a kids’ version of Adam and Eve. I know the image is blurry, but if you look closely, they are naked. What could possibly go wrong with putting nude cartoon kids on a book cover? And since when did Adam and Eve have a Dalmatian?




Creepy children's crafts


Instructions for children’s crafts to totally freak out ginger kids.






when nature eats you



There is no good way to explain to the kid reading this book what’s going to happen to that bird.





Messing with an old lady


Subtitle: How to mess with a poor old lady who, until she met you, didn’t think she was losing her marbles.






Sit in my lap


Ah, something seems terribly wrong here.







Pants off first



Why are we taking our pants off again? Don’t get me wrong, I hate pants, but a book on how to take them off seems unnecessary.




Guy in a van


Do not get in the van, Matthew!









What do all kids love? Homunculi. Full disclosure: I kind of want to read this one.




Weird Wayne



This is 100% what happens when Mom reads Twilight.  Also, given that the kid seems to be wearing a dragon suit, I’m not sure why Wayne is the weird one.





Something is growing


I prefer to leave this one with no comment.






Dad and me


Dad is the world’s best driver. Seatbelts and car seats are for losers.





Kids and tacos


Easy steps for cooking your kid and making him into a taco.  Billy hasn’t seen his brother for a while…