Review: The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine

Elevator Pitch: Amber Patterson is sick of being a nobody, so she decides to get rich the the old-fashioned way: by marrying a super-rich dude. The only problem is that Jackson Parrish is already married to a beautiful and accomplished woman, Daphne, whom he adores. That doesn’t deter Amber, though. She insinuates herself into Daphne’s life, becomes her very best friend, and begins to rip at the fabric of Daphne’s perfect marriage. But like any psychological thriller, all is not what it seems.

Let’s be best friends while I work on stealing your husband with my super sex skillz. –Amber Patterson (I’m paraphrasing, of course)

My Tagline:  Lifetime’s Mother May I Sleep with Danger (starring the American film treasure, Tori Spelling) meets a stack of airport thrillers for sale at a garage sale.

My Opinion: I have really mixed opinions about this book. On the one hand, I read it in big gulps without ever once losing interest. It’s fast-paced and well-plotted. Even after I figured out the twist fairly early on, I kept reading to see how it would unspool. Plus, I love unreliable and unlikable narrators. The more I dislike a character, the happier I am. (I’ve decided that’s because I like being in the vicinity of hot messes, but I don’t have the patience for it in real life.) I also admire the authors–two sisters–for being able to craft a cohesive narrative while writing together. That’s tough to do.

On the other hand, it’s a pretty corny book. Most of the characters are deeply one-dimensional. The evil ones have few or no redeeming qualities; the good characters are too saintly. The authors use shorthand to convey “good” and “evil” in ways that just feels simplistic. (An evil character is an atheist; a dumb character is overweight; a snooty character has designer clothes, etc.)

The writing in general is a little wooden at times. The dialogue doesn’t always feel believable, nor do the character’s motivation. For instance, Amber spends an incredible amount of time working toward stealing Jackson. Given how smart she is and how fast she learns, she could have been a real estate mogul herself. Why waste her talent trying to steal someone’s middle-aged husband, no matter how hot he is?

There were other aspects of the plot that I found deeply problematic, but I’d have to give away the twist to talk about those. So I’ll just say that the comeuppance some characters get delivers a problematic message (even though I’m quite sure it’s an unintentional message).

But in spite of everything I just said, I enjoyed reading the book. It didn’t make me smarter or a better person, but it was the equivalent of having a huge snack with no nutritional value right before dinner. Totally enjoyable in the moment, but not something you can do every day.

Verdict: Read it if you need a distraction and don’t want to tax your brain. Best read with a bowl of popcorn nearby.

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